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Hydlide
By Cheezmonky X

You may notice that Hydlide belongs in the Hall of Lame, yet this review gives it an above average rating. Why? Well, because I, Cheezmonky X, believe that Hydlide could have been a great game if not for gameplay bugs, and could have been more well accepted if they would have realized that they needed to travel further into it. Get deeper, more involved in the game that could have shined. When people say Hydlide today, the reply usually is quite negative, but if they could cherish the game for what it was all about, they would say it was purely miraculous. Or maybe I like Shaq Fu. Yeah, the last part.

Alright, you got me. Hydlide could never be that good, but it's really not as bad as everyone says. It's not very good, either, but it's not really that bad...
*feels the PING PONG BALLS "joke" coming on, so stops*

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Design Elements
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Visuals
It's a bright game, yeah. We've got some bright greens, bright tans, bright blues...ect. Not blindingly bright (unless you decide to play it on a projection television with the brightness and color at an absurdly high level), but it's "pretty" bright. Yeah, pretty bright! That's the ticket! The color format is normal, which means the grass is a bright green, the bushes and trees are a darker shade of green. Water is bright blue, caves are dark blue. Sand is bright tan, and so forth, so on. Not like a strange Pink Floyd (PINK FLOYD RULES!!) album cover or a Picasso painting, but normal.
*looks at Picasso painting*
Y'know, nothing is normal about this thing. Ah, yes, visuals review, visuals review, where was I? Oh, yes, I just got done with the color palette. Now it's time for enemy and character designs! Your character, Jim, the mystical knight of Camelot sent by King Joe and High Priest Bob, looks like your average overhead NES knight. Blue armor is distinctively blue armor, and his peach face has two little pixel eyes. I just love those eyes. Slimes look like blue...uhm...slimes. Yeah, slimes. Kobolds are red thingy's. They look like short, skinny humans, but God knows what they were supposed to be. Pretty much indecipherable, there. Zombies are basically brown Kobolds, but since Jim is fatter than them, you can go to a thinking level about these things! The zombies could have decomposed from their fat Jim state to a shriveled up Kobold looking thing! Worms are sand worms that basically are reddish purple heads with no eyes, no nose, but a big mouth with lots of teeth. Yummy! Bats l! ook like blackish blue bats, like they should look. There is a vampire enemy that looks quite nice. Designed with the same weight as Jim, his face is a blue, wearing a dark red suit with a purple cape. Same could be said with the enemy knights, that wear purple or yellow with red emblems on their armor. WOW!!! However, the areas where Jim will travel look like world maps/overworlds of RPGs, so Jim is basically the size of trees to castles. Or maybe he is just reeaaallly fat. Also, he is the size of rocks, too. Yeah, rocks, trees, and castles. Ah, who cares!
Rating: 8 Great

Music/Sound
Now I would buy the soundtrack to this game. No, I'm serious. There's a fifteen second MIDI loop which is a silly little tune, but it gets in your head, and I like it! Me and Pat Uhler are going to start the Hydlide music fan club! Of course, the music drains the sound effects, but it doesn't really matter. You hit an enemy, *bleep*, you get hit *blip*. It goes no further. Despite the complete lack of sound effects, the music is good enough to raise a bad rating to a good one!
Rating: 7 Good

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Gameplay Elements
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Gameplay
Yeah, I like the engine the Hydlide. So? I like FMV games, too, now there's a shocker! The engine is as basic as this: You hold A to attack enemies. You damage enemies by running into them while holding A, and an item you get in the game lets you slightly damage enemies without holding A. While you're not holding A, you're defending when you run into enemies. You can still be damaged, but not as much as when you're holding A. Hey, Hydlide has strategy! AMAZING!!!!!!!! Like an RPG, enemies give you EXP so you can level up your stats (Life, Strength, and Magic, which all level up equally when your EXP bar is full).
To get treasure chests, just step on them. Simple. However, sometimes you may need keys to open some chests. So bleh to those who can't open the chest in the graveyard thing, BECAUSE I DID!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! To enter caverns, go up to the hole you enter the cavern in and press the A button.
The object of the game is to save the princess, who has been separated into three fairies by an evil dragon. That's what the five second cutscene at the title screen says, anyway. No dialogue, you see. There are various islands in the land of Hydlide that you reach by traveling though a certain cavern on each island, but getting through them may require items, so you'll have to explore other caves on the island and the upperworld to retrieve this items. Of course, exploration is the key.
The game system is simple, but most of all FUN!!!! If you have a Game Genie, that is. No matter how much you (or just me) like the idea of holding the A button to attack enemies, and exploring islands for items to reach other islands, there are too many noticeable gameplay flaws to gain this game some good reviews.
First of all, it takes quite a bit of enemies to level up. Maybe a hundred. It's absurd! Once you level up to fight the bigger enemies, they give you meager EXP too! Worse, it's hard to defend yourself, so it's most likely impossible to level up without a Game Genie and an invincibility code. Fortunately, I have both.
Second, you lose life in the middle of nowhere sometimes for no reason. Simple as that.
Third, and finally, this game is incredibly nonlinear. You have to figure out EVERYTHING for yourself. You're left with not a single clue for what to do.
Rating: 5 Average

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Final Rating
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The Good
+Pretty colors, nice graphics
+Awesome music
+The game engine is good
+Jim the Knight
-Impossible without a Game Genie
-No sound effects
-People, trees, castles, and rocks are all the same size

A good engine should have made this a good game, but major flaws that only some are fixable with a Game Genie prevent it from becoming one of the better NES games, and is now remembered as just plainly horrible. Or perhaps everyone hates the game engine, too, but that makes me an individualist! HEY, I'M AN INDIVIDUALIST!!!!
*runs out into the streets*
I'M AN INDIVIDUALIST!
Neighbors and Friends: YOU'RE AN INDIVIDUALIST, CHEEZMONKY X!!!!
*Charlie Brown theme starts playing*
*everyone does a goofy dance while Snoopy plays the theme on the piano*

Final Rating: 6 Decent

My Score: 6/10

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