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By Steve Kilpatrick WHOOOOOO!!! These days anyone who hasn't seen a wrasslin' match on their Television machine or heard about, "what the Rock is cookin'," is likely to be, well, cultured. Despite The Rocks appearance at the GOPC I really don't see anyone thinking of wrestling as a cultured event. Only a certain breed of human says, "well it's either the Opera or Wrestling." With that said I guess I should note that I love wrestling. I don't watch it anymore because it's nothing more than a soap opera with sweaty half naked guys. I do love playing the games though. There's something really cool about bounding off the net to clothes-line an opponent, jacking him up-side the head with a chair and then putting him over the top rope. I think it's mostly because I've never been a big strong guy who could do that. I'm about 5'6'' and I couldn't body slam a tulip. That's why I like kicking ass in the videogame arena. Sadly, this hunk of tripe needs a suplex right into the garbage. The Plot? What? Are you kidding? There's no plot here unless you and your friends want to over dramatize your matches. Of course you had better be both creative and resourceful. There are only 6 fighters to choose from so good luck with a million plot twists or any major teams. Um maybe when you say plot you mean the mound of dirt that I buried my copy of Wrestlemania under. May it rest in piece. Snap into a SlimJim? Well there are as I mentioned 6 characters to choose from. Kind of boring I think. Two of the characters are a couple of the best though. Macho Man Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan headline this motley bunch of WWF throwbacks. The rest of the characters are pretty boring and the list is too long to really get into it. ok, ok, so the list is paltry. The Million Dollar Man, Bam Bam Bigalo, a not so awful Andre the Giant and the "we-should-have-stopped-with-five-characters" reject Honkey-Tonk Man. Honkey-Tonk Man!!!? Come on!! This game is already pinned and we're barely a minute into the match. Ref can I get a count started? One! Only two options of play, Standard and Tournament. Standard is basically just a single match while tournament is several matches strung together. The matches are timed, but they seem to drag on initially. I think they were added in case you can't stop bouncing back and forth on the ropes. They wanted to give you a way out. Later the game gets so easy that they take about two minutes at worse. That's about as deep as it gets. I never knew wrestling could be so shallow. Two! Can we say awful graphics? Usually I can find something positive in the title screen at least, but I could draw a better game in Paintbrush and the animation would be better too!!! I don't mean to complain so much, but there was never a time I wanted to play this game. I can't believe Funco thinks this game is worth more than the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Just as a note Funco thinks this game is worth $1.99. I say go get a package of Blackcats for the same price, light them and toss them down your pants. You'll get more excitement I'll tell you that much! Three! DING DING DING Sound and control are as awful as the rest of it. I swear it's a labor to ever figure out how to pin someone. It took me round after round. I would knock the guy down in two seconds and spend forever trying to pin him. Then he would get up and I would have to start over. The timer was the most useful thing in the game. unless you count the power button on the Nintendo, but Acclaim had nothing to do with that. The only thing they did with the songs is give you a different song for each character. That only equals 6 songs and don't even get me started on old Honkey-Tonk, but at least it was something. I know the match is over for this game, but I still can't see who won. It sure wasn't me. I had to play it. Maybe Acclaim won. I'm sure back in the day this game took people to the bank. I just can't imagine that someone ever paid 40 bucks for this thing. The bottom line. This game was so bad that it upset me that I had to play it, but I played it so that I could make sure none of you had to play it (I did it all for you). My Score: F+ |
© 2001-2003 Stephen Maiorana (RoyalRanger)
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