|
All
rise! We are in the case of
Mushroom Kingdom vs. Mario, the
honorable Judge Light presiding! |
| | |
|
Thank
you, baliff. All parties have
been sworn in, correct? |
| | |
|
|
Yes,
your honor. |
| | |
|
|
Good.
According to my papers, the
plaintiff, Mushroom Kingdom, will
be represented by Attourney
Jekyll, of Lawfirm of Jekyll,
Hyde, and Associates. The
defendant, Mario, is charged with
mass murder of the inhabitants of
the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario, how
do you plead? |
| | |
|
Non
colpevole, il vostro honor! |
| | |
|
|
English,
please! |
| | |
|
|
Sorrah,
Your Honah. I-ah plead no
guiltah. |
| | |
|
|
Can
you get rid of that accent? |
| | |
|
|
Sorrah,
Your Honah, it's a package-ah
deal. You get-ah me, you get-ah
my accent. |
| | |
|
|
Mr.
Mario, why don't my records make
any mention of your lawyer? |
| | |
|
|
I-ah
no have-ah lawyer. I-ah not
collect 'nuff coins. |
| | |
|
|
Fine.
Mr. Jekyll, ple-- |
| | |
|
That's
"Dr. Jekyll" to him,
judge person. |
| | |
|
|
Please
address the court as Your Honor. |
| | |
|
|
Whatever
you say, my honor. |
| | |
|
|
What's
that clown doing in here, anyway? |
| | |
|
That's Krusty. You know, from the game "Krusty's Fun House." He's
a witness to the case, Your
Honor. |
| | |
|
|
Fine,
but make sure that clown keeps
quiet in the meantime. Don't
forget, I am the judge and I will
call Jekyll, Mr. Jekyll if I
please... Dr. Jekyll, please
state your case. |
| | |
|
|
Your
Honor, I intend to prove, beyond
a shadow of a doubt, that Mario
was involved in the mass murder
of many Mushroom Kingdom
inhabitants. For my first
witness, I'd like to call Mr.
Goomba to the stand. |
| | |
| | ::Ten
goombas rush to the front of the
court and fight for the chair:: |
| | |
|
|
Order
in this court! |
| | |
|
|
I'll
take a ham on rye! |
| | |
|
|
Shut
that clown up! |
| | |
|
|
Sorry,
Your Honor. Obviously there is
some confusion between the
goombas. I need Goomba #2 for
this case. |
| | |
|
|
Well,
I can't distinguish between them.
Single out the witness you need
and continue. |
| | |
|
|
Will
the real Goomba #2 please stand
up! |
| | |
|
|
Pleasah
let us not-ah play a silly
game-ah show! I have-ah small
time and must meet-ah my brothah
soon. |
| | |
|
|
Please
do not rush this court. Dr.
Jekyll, proceed. |
| | |
|
|
I
have found the real Goomba #2,
Your Honor. |
| | |
|
|
Please
get him sworn in, so we can get
this done quicker. |
| | |
| | ::Goomba
#2 is sworn in:: |
| | |
|
|
Okay,
Goomba, where were you when you
first saw Mario a month ago? |
| | |
|
I
was hanging out among some green
pipes. |
| | |
|
|
And
what exactly did you see Mario do
at the time? |
| | |
|
|
He
was running along and smashed a
brick with his head! |
| | |
| | ::Crowd
gasps:: |
| | |
|
|
I-ah
objectah, Your Honor! I-ah no see
what brickahs have-ah to do with
anything. All-ah they did-ah was
give-ah me a massive headache! |
| | |
|
|
Objection
overruled! Dr. Jekyll, you may
proceed with the witness. |
| | |
|
|
That's
all the questions I have for this
witness, Your Honor. |
| | |
|
|
Okay.
Mario, you may cross-examine the
witness. |
| | |
| | Mario
dusts himself off and steps up
towards the goomba:: |
| | |
|
|
Mistah
Goomba, where-ah were you two-ah
weeks ago today? |
| | |
|
|
I
was at a baseball game. The
Chicago Cubs vs. the Cleavland
Indians. |
| | |
|
|
Who-ah
won? |
| | |
|
|
The
Cubs. |
| | |
|
|
Oh-ah,
darnit. I had-ah my money on-ah
the Indians. |
| | |
|
|
This
is a court room, not a chat room!
Proceed cross-examining. |
| | |
|
|
I
am-ah done-ah, Your Honah. |
| | |
|
|
Dr.
Jekyll, you may call your next
witness. |
| | |
|
|
Thank
you, Your Honor. For the next
witness, I call Mr. Krusty to the
stand. |
| | |
| | Krusty steps up to the stand and
is sworn in:: |
| | |
|
|
Mr.
Clown, please tell the court your
testimony. |
| | |
|
|
I
always knew that Italian wimp was
evil ever since he stole my red
nose! |
| | |
| | Crowd
chuckles:: |
| | |
|
|
I-ah
object-ah, Your Honor! |
| | |
|
|
Order
in the court! Say one word about
that, clown, and I'll revoke your
clown license, if such a thing
exists! Dr. Jekyll, please call
up a different witness. |
| | |
|
|
Okay,
Mr. Krusty, you can step down from
the stand. |
| | |
| | ::Mr.
Clown returns to his seat:: |
| | |
|
|
For
my final witness, I call up Mario
himself! |
| | |
| | ::Mario
steps up to the stand with a look
of surprise on his face. He is
sworn in:: |
| | |
|
|
Mario,
isn't it true that you traveled
through the Mushroom Kingdom and
broke at least 100 bricks with
your head last month? |
| | |
|
|
Well-ah,
you see, I was-- |
| | |
|
|
Please
answer the question! |
| | |
|
|
Yes-ah. |
| | |
|
|
Mr.
Mario, were you aware that you
weren't really breaking bricks,
but you were actually killing
innocent inhabitants of the
Mushroom Kingdom? |
| | |
|
|
What-ah
you talkin' about?! |
| | |
|
|
I
have my proof right here! |
| | |
| | ::Dr.
Jekyll grabs a small booklet
labeled, "Super Mario
Bros.":: |
| | |
|
|
This,
your honor, is solid evidence
against Mr. Mario! |
| | |
|
|
Let
me see the evidence. |
| | |
| | ::Dr.
Jekyll hands the booklet to Judge
Light and reaches up to point out
the page, only to have his hand
slapped by the judge:: |
| | |
|
|
I
can read it myself! |
| | |
| | ::Judge
Light flips through some pages:: |
| | |
|
|
The
first paragraph of the story,
Your Honor. |
| | |
|
|
Alright,
I told you I could find it
myself! "One day the kingdom
of the peaceful mushroom people
was invaded by the Koopa, a tribe
of turtles famous for their black
magic. The quiet, peace-loving
Mushroom People were turned into
mere stones, bricks and even
field horse-hair plants, and the
Mushroom Kingdom fell into
ruin." |
| | |
|
|
There
you have it, Your Honor! Proof
positive that the inhabitants of
the Mushroom Kingdom were indeed
disguised as bricks. Add that to
the confession of Mario, and that
totally proves that he is guilty! |
| | |
|
|
You-ah
got tah be-ah kiddin' me! I-ah
did not know-ah that! All-ah I
knew was-ah killin' the-ah bad
guys in-ah self-ah defense! |
| | |
|
|
The
court has no quarrels about
self-defense. The point of
prosecusion is the outright mass
murder of Mushroom Kingdom
inhabitants! |
| | |
|
|
But,
I-- |
| | |
| | ::A
small voice is heard from the
back. The crowd mumbles between
themselves:: |
| | |
|
|
Order
in the court! |
| | |
|
|
I'll
get a pizza! |
| | |
|
|
Get
that clown out of here! He's
disrupting the court! |
| | |
| | ::Krusty is dragged out of the
court:: |
| | |
|
|
Now,
what was that voice I heard a
minute ago? |
| | |
|
It
was me, Your Honor! |
| | |
|
|
And
who is this lady? |
| | |
|
|
I'm
Princess Toadstool from the
Mushroom Kingdom! |
| | |
|
|
What
is the meaning of disrupting the
court without being called up?! |
| | |
|
|
Sorry,
Your Honor. But Mario is
innocent! |
| | |
|
|
How
can you say that after the points
I just proved?! |
| | |
|
|
It's
true! Sure, Mario did break those
bricks, but it wasn't
pointlessly! He was doing a very
brave and noble deed! |
| | |
|
|
How
can mass murder be such a
noteworthy deed? |
| | |
|
|
Not
that, Your Honor! Read on through
your Super Mario Bros. booklet a
little bit more! |
| | |
|
|
This
is ridiculous, Your Honor! There
is nothing more in that book that
will make any difference in this
case! |
| | |
|
|
Let
me be the judge of that! |
| | |
| | ::Judge
Light opens the book while Dr.
Jekyll starts to sweat:: |
| | |
|
|
"The
only one who can undo the magic
spell on the Mushroom People and
return them to their normal
selves is the Princess Toadstool,
the daughter of the Mushroom
King. Unfortunately, she is
presently in the hands of the
great Koopa turtle king. Mario,
the hero of this story (maybe)
hears about the Mushroom People's
plight and sets out on a quest to
free the Mushroom Princess from
the evil Koopa and restore the
fallen kingdom of the Mushroom
People." |
| | |
|
|
You
see, Your Honor! Mario was out
for a good cause, not to kill
inhabitants for no reason! His
reasoning was more noble than
murder! I might not be here now
if it wasn't for him! |
| | |
|
|
Yes,
I see your point, Miss Toadstool.
In this case, I drop all charges
off from Mario! |
| | |
|
|
Thank-ah
you, Your Honah! |
| | |
|
|
But
this now brings us to the
question of why Dr. Jekyll was so
nervous about me reading on... |
| | |
| | ::Dr.
Jekyll makes a quick dash to the
doors at the front of the
courtroom:: |
| | |
|
|
Somebody
catch that man! |
| | |
| | ::Mario
makes a huge jump to the front of
the room and lands right on top
of Dr. Jekyll:: |
| | |
|
|
I-ah
got you! |
| | |
| | Someone
audience sees a speck of green
around the corner, behind the
door, and shouts, "Hey,
what's that!" |
| | |
|
|
It's
Bowser! I'd know that shade of
green anywhere! He was behind the
whole brick thing in the first
place! |
| | |
| | ::Dr.
Jekyll gasps:: |
| | |
|
|
Sorry,
Bowser, I tried to nail him the
best I could! |
| | |
|
|
Get
those two men... or this man and
this monster... out of here right
this instant! |
| | |
| | ::A
cop takes Bowser and Dr. Jekyll
and drags them off: |
| | |
|
|
The
case of Mushroom Kingdom vs.
Mario has been closed. Mario is
declared innocent of all charges.
Now, if you'll please excuse me,
I have to go back to my chambers
and continue to work on a robot.
This court is adjourned! |
