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All rise! We are hearing the case of Dr. Wily vs. Dr. Light, the honorable Judge Light presiding! |
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| | ::Judge Light enters from his chambers:: |
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Thank you baliff. Excuse my unkempt appearance. I had to rush. I don't even know the nature of today's case. |
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Your honor, the case is Dr. Wily vs. Dr. Light. The plaintiff is suing the defendant on the grounds of Patent Infringement. |
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| | ::Judge Light stares wide-eyed:: |
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Dr. Light! But that's m-m-m, m-m-m, me! Oh dear, how are we to take this case if I'm the one being tried! We'd need another judge! |
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I'm afraid that will be left in your hands, your honor. |
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But I can't take my own case! There's probably laws against that! |
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Your honor, may I suggest you replace your baliff as the judge in this case. I'm sure he's seen you perform enough to have even a small understanding of what should be done. |
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But I can't do that! My baliff is not certified to act as a judge! |
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What, do you think the Nintendo executives are gonna sue you? |
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It's a strong possibility. |
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It's just one case. What harm will it do? He just better make sure he judges fairly, or I'll take both of you to a higher court. |
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| | ::Judge Light considers the proposition for a moment:: |
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Well, I guess one case wouldn't hurt. Baliff, I hereby appoint you Judge Toad for this one case only. I will step down to defend myself in this case. |
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Yes, your honor. |
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| | ::Judge Light begins to step down:: |
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Oh, one more thing, baliff. You may wear my wig. It will make you look more authoritative. |
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Thank you, your honor. |
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| | ::Judge Toad places the wig on his head:: |
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(Whispering to Judge Toad) Psst... Remember to be firm. And don't forget I pay your salary. |
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| | ::Dr. Light sits in the defendant's chair:: |
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Well... uhhh... according to what I have been informed upon... uhhh... Dr. Wily is suing Dr. Light for... uhhh... Patent Infringement. Dr. Wily will be... uhhh... representing himself in this... uhhh... case. |
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Your honor, if you please, don't be so nervous. Try to lighten up a bit. |
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Yes sir. Well... uhhh... Dr. Wily claims that Dr. Light unrightfully and unlawfully reproduced Dr. Wily's patented... uhhh... XR-3-88 model robot. Uhhh... Dr Light... uhhh... how do you plead? |
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Not guilty! |
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Uhhh... okay. Dr. Wily... uhhh... you may state your case. |
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Your honor! I intend to prove that the defendant, Dr. Light, did indeed inrightfully reproduce my XR-3-88 model robot! For my first witness, I call up Crash Man to the stand! |
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| | ::Crash man begins to step towards the stand:: |
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I object! With no baliff, who will swear in the witness! |
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Uhhh... I guess I have to do that. |
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| | ::Toad throws off the wig and rushes down to the first witness:: |
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Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? |
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Yes. |
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| | ::Toad runs back up to the judge seat and puts the wig back on:: |
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| | ::Crash Man takes the stand:: |
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Crash Man, can you tell me the events of the night which occured one month ago today? |
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Yo, it's like this. Me and some of my other homefries were chillin' this one night, see. They all left later, and next thing I know, this whack dude came flying at me trying to beat me up. |
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Can you please offer the court a description of this "whack dude?" |
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He was, like, this blue color all around, except for his face. Yo, and he was all metal. What a freak. |
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Mr. Crash, did, perchance, the dude look anything like... |
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| | ::Dr. Wily pulls out a robot from his REALLY BIG briefcase:: |
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THIS?! |
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Yo, where you gettin' that. That looks exactly like the freak that tried to beat me up that night. |
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Your honor, I submit to you the testimony of the witness. Mr. Crash has indeed confirmed that this is the robot which attacked him one month ago today. Or so it seems... You'll notice, your honor, that this robot is not functional. The circuits burned out over 5 months ago. You'll also notice the inscription on the bottom of his left foot... "Manufactured and Patented by Dr. Wily." Obviously, if this robot has not functioned for at least 5 months, this must not be the robot which attacked the witness. It must be a robot bearing a very similar resemblance. I'd like you to take a look at something else... |
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| | ::The courtroom doors burst open:: |
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| | ::Dr. Light gasps:: |
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It's Mega Man! What's my robot doing here?! |
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| | ::Mega Man walks towards the front, standing alongside Dr. Wily:: |
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The court should take note that these two robots, both Mega Man and my RX-3-88, are exactly alike. Mega Man has full vocabulary and speech ability, so I will offer it a quick question. Mega Man, please state your name, manufacturer, and the date of your manufacturing in relation to the incident with Mr. Crash. |
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(Speaking very robotically) My name is Mega Man. I was manufactured by Dr. Light. I was manufactured two months before I attacked Crash Man. |
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I object! That can't be my robot! My robot spoke normally, not so robotically! It's an imposter! |
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Uhhh... Dr. Light... uhhh... can you prove this accusation? |
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I... I... I can't. |
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Well... uhhh... Dr. Light can now cross-examine our first witness. |
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Thank you, your honor. Mr. Crash, you say that one month ago today you were attacked by this Mega Man robot over here. Did the robot say anything to you? |
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Not a word, yo. |
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Well, are you absolutely positive that this robot is the same one that attacked you? |
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Do I have to spell it out for you, old man?! |
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| | ::Dr. Light sighs:: |
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No further questions. Your honor, can I call up a witness now? |
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I guess so... |
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I call Dr. Wily to the stand! |
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| | ::Dr. Wily steps forward:: |
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| | ::Toad throws off the wig and rushes down to the Dr. Wily:: |
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Do you smolerly stare... errr... uhhh.... do you somlumly spare... I mean... do you swear to the truth whole nothing... ahhh... to heck with! Will you be honest? |
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Of course. |
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| | ::Toad runs back up to the judge seat and puts the wig back on, again:: |
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| | ::Dr. Wily takes the stand:: |
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Dr. Wily, can you prove that it was exactly five months ago that the circuits to your robot burned out? |
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I have a letter and a bill from a certified electrician. |
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May we see them? |
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Yes. |
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| | ::Dr. Wily hands Dr. Light a few documents:: |
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| | ::Dr. Light looks over the documents:: |
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Well, they certainly look legit. |
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I told you so. Would I lie? |
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No comment on that. |
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| | ::Dr. Light hands the papers back:: |
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How about an issue of patent? Do you have that? |
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I most certainly do! |
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| | ::Dr. Wily hands Dr. Light another document:: |
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Well, this is a certified patent, all right. I guess I'm finished here. No further questions. |
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| | ::Dr. Light hands the document back to Dr. Wily:: |
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| | ::Dr. Wily steps down:: |
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Well, your honor, I don't believe I need any further proof. |
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Well... uhhh... I guess the answer is obvious. Dr. Light is gui- |
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*cough* |
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Dr. Light is guilt- |
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*hack**cough* |
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Dr. Light is guil- |
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*COUGH* |
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Guilty of- |
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Wait! Before you give your judgement, I demand that I be able to call up one more witness! |
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Ummm... I guess so. |
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Hah! What're you gonna try to prove! |
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I call up Mega Man to the stand! |
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You can't do that! |
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Why not? |
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Because he's just a robot! He can't answer any silly questions! |
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You said yourself that Mega Man had a full vocabulary, and he did answer your questions earlier. I demand that he be called up as a witness! Your honor? |
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Mega Man may act as a witness. |
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Thank you, your honor. Mega Man, please take the stand. |
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| | ::Mega Man stands still:: |
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Mega Man, take the stand. |
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| | ::Mega Man continues to stand still:: |
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Mega Man! |
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My name is Mega Man. I was manufactured by Dr. Light. I was manufactured two months before I attacked Crash Man. |
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Mega Man? |
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My name is Mega Man. I was manufactured by Dr. Light. I was manufactured two months before I attacked Crash Man. |
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What's going on here?! |
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He must be dying down or something! Maybe he's lost almost all power! |
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Something's really not right. Now listen here, Mega Man- |
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| | ::Dr. Light slaps Mega Man on the back:: |
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| | ::Mega Man falls to the ground and breaks open, revealing nothing inside the blue shell, save for a tape recorder and a few electronic parts:: |
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Aha! This is no robot at all! Just blue casing with a tape recorder inside! Obviously set to play the same line every time it is activated! |
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Still, what does that prove! You built a robot just like my XR-3-88, and you know it! |
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Oh, did I? |
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| | ::Dr. Light knocks over the XR-3-88 and stomps on it with all his might:: |
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| | ::The robot breaks open to reveal...:: |
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Aha! There's nothing inside of this thing! It's empty! It was all lies, and I'll bet the electronic bills and documents were forgeries! Maybe even the patent! |
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I... uhhh... |
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Dr. Wily! I find you guilty of perjery to the court! The court finds Dr. Light not guilty! Dr. Wily will be sentenced to five years in prison! |
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Hey, you're getting good. Nice and firm and- |
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Silence! Please address the judge as your honor! |
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Uhhh... now you're carrying this a bit too far... |
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Mr. Light! Would you like to be sentenced for contempt of court! |
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Now wait just a minute! |
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I told you to be quiet! |
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That's my wig you got on! You want to be tried for stealing?! |
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You can't try me, you lent this wig to me. Therefore, I cannot be found guilty of theft! |
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And you expect a raise from me?! |
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| | ::Toad sits silent for a moment. He then rises from his seat, takes off the wig, and steps down:: |
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Wait a minute... |
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| | ::Toad looks around:: |
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Where'd Dr. Wily go? |
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| | ::Dr. Light searches the room furiously:: |
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You lame brain! With all the fighting, you let him get away! |
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Sorry, Mr. Light. |
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| | ::Dr. Light throws the wig back on:: |
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That's Judge Light to you. Also known to you as "Your Honor!" |
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Yes, your honor. |
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Humph! And do not forget that! |
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